It's amazing how much fear is instilled in us along with the devil fear is the idea that it is somehow wrong even dangerous to question god because you will be punished. I was not raised a jw but even in cathocism you burned either forever or for just a little while till you were done.
The real issue of what is really going on here is difficult to approach till you step out of your culture/religion and stop looking for what you may or may not want which is difficult to do because of all the fears hammered into you from the start.
You have to accept that whatever is really happening here may not be good or it may be way different than we ever imagined. I'm attempting a fresh start evidence based search wherever it might go but sometimes it's hard because we've been conditioned to believe that demanding evidence is a weakness or a sin and will incur punishment for lack faith. But to ever find real answers you have to step away from those fears and not let others stop you.